I remember being in college and giving my mom a gift for Father's Day. At the time, I'd given in to the cultural idea of a person being "the mother and the father," which is absurd in hindsight.

The older I get the more I understand.

I am the mother of a 4-year-old angel!   I absolutely LOVE my daughter, although I abhor the circumstances in which she was born: a single parent household.

A single PARENT is exactly what it says. I'm not a dual parent, both mother and father.  I am only Mommy.  I work HARD to show my daughter that I love her and to give her everything she needs in life. I'd much rather show her love than to highlight an area where it may or may not be missing. This is what PARENTS do.  We don't take on a role to fill in an absence.  We just do our best in the role we are given.  I carried her, nurtured her, stayed at her side when she was sick... I speak into her life, we pray together, we laugh together, we shop together, play together, cook together, travel together, etc.  My child is involved in almost every aspect of my life, not because I have to be "both mother and father" but because I am a parent.... ONE parent. My job is to guide her development to be the best adult she can be,  but I admit that my support system makes this easier.

I am grateful for my brothers, my grandfather, and Jireh's godfather (who happens to be my cousin) because they are all father figures for her until I provide a permanent fixture for our household.  Father's Day is for fathers, whether biological or by the roles they've taken on. This Father's Day, she and I will be honoring them as well as her biological father.  She would not be here if not for him, and she would not be the joy she is if not for everyone who plays a significant role in her development.

At no point in life has this child ever came running to me crying, "Daddy!"  Though her father is not active in her life, if you ask her his name, she will tell you because I make it a point for her to know that she has both a mother and a father. I often tell her that she looks like him, and I show her pictures from time to time.  She asks questions, but one thing she has NEVER heard from me and never will hear is negativity about her father.  She has no choice in the matter.  That was a decision I made for her. Now, if I want to express my anger in my own decision-making to one of my peers, that's my business.  But I will NEVER feed my child negativity concerning a part of her that she didn't choose.

Neither will I accept kudos for something I didn't do. I didn't make her by myself. So, I am NOT both mother and father. I'm a single mother... And a good one! I was honored on the day that was set aside for me: Mother's Day! It's time for us to nip this foolishness of honoring single mothers on Father's Day in the bud. Nobody honors single fathers on Mother's Day.  You know why?  Real men take no pride in being called women.  It's only women that beam and swell when told they're as good as the opposite sex, as if that's a badge of honor.  While it is honorable to have such strength, it's not normal! As a matter of fact, some see bodybuilders as freaks of nature. Your body accommodates to build the ability to carry massive weight, which is done over time. Personally, I don't want to be a body builder. Their bodies are hard. I'd much rather be soft and welcoming, able to be squeezed, to be comforting and pliable. Don't wish me a Happy Father's Day because I'm not a man.

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