How to Repair the Black Community (Part 1)
BLACK PARENTS: Until we start being parents to our children, we cannot complain about our diminishing society or how we are viewed from the outside. When we don't teach our sons responsibility, conflict resolution, how to react or not react to stress, and what it really means to be a man, we deserve open-hand, face-turning slaps if they shoot someone and our response is, "I didn't raise him like that." Ever heard the saying that failing to plan is planning to fail? Same concept. If we don't show them the right way, we can't fault them for taking the wrong way.
Fathers, if you are not providing an example of the type of man your daughter should choose, what do you expect her to teach her son? Mothers, stop bringing ANY kind of man around your children. If you find yourself vibing to Drake "Same Mistakes/Fall For Your Type," you're stuck in a cycle that needs to be changed. To KEEP FALLING means this type obviously isn't working for you. We need to choose more responsibly or remain single until we're mature enough to accept the fact that every move we make is an example for our children to follow.
Somewhere along the way, our children have been shown that lives are disposable. We CANNOT repair a community without repairing the home. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE!!! Men, it is almost impossible for you to effectively father multiple children in numerous households. Women, stop allowing many men to plan their seed inside you. Thank GOD not all of them took root! I can say this because I've been there. My daughter is #4 for her father, and I'm Mom #4. Do I fault him for that? No. I fault myself, but I've also learned and committed myself to making better decisions both for myself and for her.
I refuse to let my daughter grow up and be "easy," to choose a man from the streets, or to think it's ok to allow men to come in and out of her life. She WILL NOT think it's ok to be involved with a man who has numerous children by numerous mothers. It is extremely rare for that man to effectively father ALL of his children. I realize that this statement may offend some men with children by numerous mothers, but it is what it is. Most of the time, a mother is a mother; and she teaches her children the best she knows how as she interacts with them every day. A father that is not in the home usually doesn't interact with all of his children daily. Of course, there are some instances where those roles are reversed, but still WE HAVE TO MAKE BETTER DECISIONS!!!! And when we stop accepting each other's poor decisions, we'll learn to stop making them.
Many people are asking why we're so concerned about Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman when we're killing ourselves every day. The difference is that Trayvon was profiled, followed, and judged by a stranger because of his appearance. Our children know each other, profile each other correctly, and find it ok to take each other's lives. There is something wrong, and we have to fix it. A rally isn't going to fix it. A cute little saying isn't going to fix it. We have to take responsibility for ourselves! When I became a mother, I understood that my social life would take a back seat to my child's well being. I knew I'd have to miss some events I'd want to attend because my attendance in her life at some of the most critical times is much more important. There will be more parties, concerts, and trips to take when she's older.
Too many people are leaving THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES to be "watched" by others. How do you discipline a child you didn't raise? And just living with a child isn't raising him/her. We must cultivate relationships with our children and train them up in the way they should go. To do anything less is planning for them to fail.