ESPN has suspended Stephen A. Smith over his comments concerning domestic violence, but was he wrong?

Stephen A. Smith attends the Paley Prize Gala honoring ESPN's 35th anniversary presented by Roc Nation Sports on May 28, 2014 in New York City. (Getty)
Stephen A. Smith attends the Paley Prize Gala honoring ESPN's 35th anniversary presented by Roc Nation Sports on May 28, 2014 in New York City. (Getty)
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These are Mr. Smith's exact words, just in case you missed it:

Now, let's have a real discussion. Nobody knows what actually happened between Baltimore Ravens' Ray Rice and his wife but them. However, he was suspended following charges that he assaulted his wife.

This morning, on the Tom Joyner Morning Show, Roland Martin interviewed a domestic violence activist, who described the difference between domestic violence and situational partner violence.  Most of us see a woman being hit even once as domestic violence. According to Sila Abrams, domestic violence is a pattern.  She also says that Smith placed responsibility of prevention of domestic abuse on the victim.

So, let's get down to the real deal. Broadcast journalists, analysts, commentators, etc. have to be careful about what we say because our words often come out in a way that gives an unintended meaning.  Do I think Smith was saying that if a woman is beat, it's her fault? No.  Do I think domestic violence can be prevented? Yes.

Let me explain why. One day, my first boyfriend and I were on a date. He was driving, and we were at least 20 miles from home. I said something he didn't like, and he reached into the passenger seat and grabbed my face.  At that moment, I was AFRAID! I didn't know if he'd hit me, if he'd reach over and open my door to push me out, or anything else.  All I knew is that I was exposed to a side of him I'd never seen and that because I didn't see it coming, I couldn't know what else to expect.  So, I apologized and kept my cool enough to finish the date and get home.  I didn't tell anybody what had happened, but I knew I couldn't place myself in such a position again. We went on very few dates after that.

Fast forward a few years, and I'm in college.  I'd recently broken up with another boyfriend, who also attended the same school.  I will NEVER forget the day I was walking on campus, I saw him, and went in another direction.  My intent was to avoid an awkward moment or possible confrontation. Apparently, that alone was too much.  He caught up with me and put his hand around my throat, saying that I was not going to embarrass him in front of his friends. I dropped all of my books and notebooks and swung on him. I didn't care about his friends seeing me go in a different direction when I saw him, and it wasn't his call to say I was out of line or to attempt putting me in line in that manner. Again, this was my ex, and at that moment I knew I'd never take him back.  I had another situation to happen in more recent years, and once it did, I knew he wasn't the one for me.

As women, I think we allow certain situations to go on far too long.  In each of these, FOR ME, the FIRST act of violence-- even though I was never hit --was the LAST act of violence.  It goes without saying that it's different when it's a married couple, as they are generally more apt to try to work things out, seek counseling, etc.  But in terms of a relationship without marriage? There is nothing holding a victim but an emotional tie. Get over the emotions and go. If you reconcile at some point, let it be after the underlying issues have been addressed and mended. Having children together isn't even a reason to stay in an abusive relationship. Unfortunately, we often allow a situation of violence to become situations of violence, thus domestic violence. And yes, the victim has to take on some responsibility for what he/she has allowed.

Furthermore, for those who are Christians and others who simply see the Bible as a moral code, Proverbs 19:13 says "and a quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof," Proverbs 25:24 says "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife," and Proverbs 21:19 "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife."  Conversely, Proverbs 15:1 states "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."  Now, one definition of "wrath" is "vengeance or punishment as the consequence of anger." If there is so much warning about a nagging or argumentative woman and how she can drive a man to such aggravation BUT a soft answer turns away vengeance or punishment as a consequence of anger, wouldn't that mean that a woman can provoke a man to WANT to hit her? Notice the use of the word "want."  Of course, we must all suppress various urges, and hitting another person is never right. However, do we ALL suppress ALL of our urges? It is ludicrous at best to think that a woman can't make a man hit her. Is he justified in hitting her? Of course not. But if she nagged, jumped in his face, muffed him, and disrespected him, and blocked his exit to the degree that he had to evoke physical strength to LEAVE, should she take on SOME responsibility? Yes. Should she take SOME responsibility if he didn't leave but hit her? Yes.

Some people see a man using force to defend himself as domestic violence because "a man should never hit a woman." Well, neither should a woman hit a man. At no point is it okay for one person to hit another. Understandable? Sometimes.  To me, this is akin to the topic of a woman bringing rape upon herself. It is NEVER okay for a man to force himself upon a woman, but if a woman is wearing a skimpy outfit, slowly walking through a dimly-lit park at 2:00am.... She may not be asking to be raped, but she certainly put herself in a position where it is more likely to happen.

But of course, this is my own personal opinion.  What do YOU think? Should Stephen A. Smith have been suspended for his statements?  Were they taken out of context?  Has political correctness gone too far? Do we really have freedom of speech if we're punished for EVERYTHING that is said about which someone disagrees? Your thoughts?

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