I am not going to discuss what happened last night, and you don't have to either! Why stay mired in loathing when you can do other stuff? Dial down the despondency and turn up the denial--I've got ten things you can do instead of talking about The Bowl Game That Shan't Be Named.

  • 1

    Binge-Watch 'Friends'

    You realize Netflix has every episode of 'Friends' available for streaming, right? The entire series, dude: Smelly Cat, Ugly Naked Guy, We Were On a Break--it's all there waiting for you. Stay in your sweatpants and grab a pint of Ben and Jerry's, and your day just got AWESOME. (*Note: try not to think about the fact that you're older now than pretty much all the characters were when the show started, because that's just depressing.)

    NBC
  • 2

    Put Away All Your Christmas Decorations

    YOU HAVE TO DO IT AT SOME POINT. Why not now? Few things brighten one's mood as much as some good old fashioned rage cleaning. Take all your frustrations out on those tangled Christmas lights--that way, if someone asks why you're crying you can say,"Oh, it's just these stupid lights and it has nothing to do whatsoever with Ohio State and crushed dreams. Yep. Just these lights. Dang."

    Ryan McVay
  • 3

    Bring a Book to Work

    If you bring a book to work, you can start reading anytime you hear a conversation about The Darkest Hour begin. If you really want your coworkers to back off, bring an especially difficult text. I suggest something like The Sound and The Fury or A Portrait Of The Artist As A Young Man. When your obnoxious coworkers start talking trash about the Tide, just interrupt them with a question about the text-- "Hey, guys, sorry to bother y'all, but what do you think Joyce is trying to say about the development of one's identity underneath societal and religious constraints?" When they stare at you blankly, roll your eyes and call them plebes. PROBLEM SOLVED.

    Hongqi Zhang
  • 4

    Go Back to Sleep

    You can't cry in your sleep, right?

    Hemera Technologies
  • 5

    Try a New Recipe

    Take the most obscenely extravagant recipe you can find and make that sucker. I'm talking about some 'Top Chef' stuff here: Waygu Beef with Truffle Sauce and Pomme Frites fried in duck fat. Spend the entire day in the kitchen, and don't fret--your tears will just make everything taste extra salty.

    kzenon
  • 6

    Drink

    Like this needs an explanation.

    Ievgen Chepil
  • 7

    Binge-Watch 'The Wire'

    HBO released the re-mastered series in HD. Go ahead and watch an entire season today. You need to re-watch The Greatest Show to Ever Air on Television--and if you haven't seen 'The Wire' yet, then I'm going to need you to call in sick and get on this ASAP.

    HBO
  • 8

    Do Something Nice for Someone Else

    When I get mega-bummed, I find that doing something to help another person puts me in a better mood. Go through the house and find things to donate to a local charity; buy some groceries for your area food bank. It feels good to do good.

    Jupiterimages
  • 9

    Eat An Entire Pizza

    Every pizza is a personal pan pizza if you try hard enough--and should you fail, the gastrointestinal distress that will follow can only take your mind off the pain of a broken heart.

    Jacek Chabraszewski
  • 10

    Buy Me This Expensive Perfume

    We're all hurting--but especially me. Go ahead and ship this c/o Meg Summers, 142 Skyland Boulevard East, Tuscaloosa, AL 35405. Thanks.

    sephora.com