“That White Girl….” Where’d She Get That?

Lately, my daughter has been making reference to people by describing their skin color ("Mommy, I want the same toy that white girl has.") I asked where she'd gotten that the girl was white because I'd never described a person like that in front of her. Then, I heard her talking to a biracial child in daycare, and I realized the origin.

As much as I try to teach my daughter that everyone is practically the same but we all have different backgrounds, it's practically inevitable that the topic of race is going to rise. I really didn't expect it to happen this early, though. She's only three! However, I understand how it would come up.  Children don't quite understand genes and how a child with two darker parents could come out golden with sandy hair and blond highlights.

Yet and still, I work to instill into her tolerance, acceptance of others' differences, compassion for those less fortunate, etc.  She loves sharing, and when I tell her that we're going to give something of hers to somebody else, she usually does so with ease because she knows it's only a matter of time before she's going to get something else to replace what she's giving up which will be of even more interest to her.

HOWEVER, if you watch children long enough, there's another principle you'll learn: We feel better about the things we enjoy when we share them with others.  Something about bringing other people joy brings out the best in each of us. My daughter was born in February 2011.  My older brother had a daughter in October 2010, and my youngest brother had a daughter in July 2011.  So, in a 9-month span, three girls entered our lives.

Watching them in action is quite hilarious. If one of them has a bag of crackers, she makes sure the others have a bag of crackers.  If one of them has a fruit cup, she makes sure there are enough fruit cups for the other two.  If one has juice, she makes sure the other two have juice. But the beauty in all of this is if one has crackers, another has fruit, and the other has juice, they each offer the other two a portion of what they have so that each one's desire is met without having to give up ALL of what they have. That's where a lot of us adults fail.  We don't always mind giving up something we're not using anymore, but we have problems with giving a portion of something we really want, not understanding that the party we're contributing to has SOMETHING to supply, even if it's nothing more than humility.

I wasn't quite ready to cover the race issue with my daughter, but I'm happy that the way it was presented to her came in the form of a little girl whose parents' love for each other created another beautiful being and not one in which one was seen as inferior to the other. Becoming a parent is one of the greatest things that could have ever happened to me.   My daughter is teaching me more about love, sacrifice, gifts, and perserverence than I ever could have learned on my own. For that I am appreciative.