love candy. I can't help it: always have and always will. Easter is especially rad to me because it affords me the opportunity to consume excessive amounts of the sweet stuff.

I remember being a kid, running into the living room on Easter Sunday to tear apart the basket left for me by the Bunny--and eating candy in such a frenzy one might have confused me for a rabid badger or some sort of feral child with hypoglycemia

I would eat almost all my candy before getting cleaned up for church--God help those sweet women who taught me Sunday School because I rolled up in there more hyped up than Jessie Spano on caffeine pills.

There is, however, a darkness that pollutes my otherwise pristine Easter memories: the Cadbury Crème Egg. I would try to eat one every year but one bite in and I was DONE. I don't know why I thought this year's egg would be better than last year's, but I always tried. AND FAILED.

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I hate Cadbury Crème Eggs. I am sorry but I do. The chocolate shell is good, but inside there lurks a horror I can hardly comprehend: the filling--the nasty, thick, chalky, sugary filling. I just threw up a little in my mouth thinking about it. It's like someone took a big bowl of mucus , poured in a metric butt-ton of powdered sugar and thought, "This will work."

No--at least, not for me. I am also exceptionally repulsed by the fact that the filling has a circle that's dyed yellow to look like a yolk. When you crack the chocolate shell, the "egg" pours out--just like a real one! I'm sorry, but I don't eat rawass eggs. I'm literally shuddering as I type this.

CADBURY.

EGGS.

ARE.

TRASH.

I would prefer to drive a car full of bees during a McFarland Boulevard traffic jam than eat a Cadbury egg.

Am I crazy? Was I born with defective tastebuds? Message me using our app chat and let me know what you think.

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